Musings of an Anonymous Indian

Some posts get repetitive if I will begin to write about my feelings a lot. A lot of my own overwhelming feelings that won’t matter to anyone but me. An online diary, it will be. But that is the thing. This blog does not matter much in the long term of events that will happen. I have not made this blog from scratch. I have not made this blog for something that could cater to someone else or so. It does not even tell anything else other than what I think about something or other. Who would want to read that stuff? Me perhaps, if it is written properly.

This semester has been hectic, in terms of courses, tests and lab works and pending stuff. I still got time to go for a free concert of Indian Ocean and Alif. I still got time to go to a bookstore. I still got time to go to a place where I found some peace and wind and some alone-time. Well, peace is a long time to come, but I got something to escape to, after a long tiring week or like that. Because of the last two week of the semester, it will be packed. And I will be increasingly wanting to escape from these tests and stuff. I want to, and I would like to escape to some other work, or some story, or something. I got to watch a movie in a movie hall this semester as well. I got to spend some time alone with my crush (who is almost becoming former crush).

But feeling of a dopamine high which I got when I spent time with my crush (and along with some other people) is still lingering and that can become my ruination as well. What is my life about? What is the purpose of life? Is it to help others in need? Or is it to just waste away resources, that I am very capable of? Or it is to make some sense of our life by making those decisions and hard choices that we might regret later?

There are some people that think that regretting our choices and decisions won’t help us in some way or other. We just have to live by the consequences that is our life and we have to live by them. Well, what my take is, that regrets do give us some amount of perspective and introspection as to think about where we went wrong. But thinking about regrets and wondering about What Ifs without taking action is something that can make our lives whole more terrible. We might feel like we are stuck in our lives. That is not a good thing to feel about. It will be a depressing and lonely feeling.

The world also does not help when it feels like you are in a rut or stuck. The world is unceasingly moving, and we also have to move with it. And here, I am not talking about the world’s physical movement, but the symbolical/metaphorical movement of the people in this world. And I haven’t experienced that pause in the world yet. Perhaps the starting of the lockdown was a pause, perhaps the trip to Borivali was a pause, or perhaps the trip to Murud-Nandgaon was a pause. Perhaps. But I do want a pause for a while to feel things and to introspect about my life again. By the way, Murud-Nandgaon was a one-day trip and trip to Kanheri Caves was the pause I was talking about when I went to Borivali with one of my friend. I would say, those trips were a pause from my routine life. I haven’t got a Pause like the pause I wanted. It is ironical though that I want to have a pause now, when I should be getting in a flow to get knowledge. That is how I irritate and annoy people. By being flaky and undecisive.