Musings of an Anonymous Indian

18:29 21-09-2022

Yesterday was Freshers’ Day in our college, welcoming first and second years who came this year to the campus. Our immediate juniors got a very small Freshers’, so this was something very big, according to them and according to the college. The organizers were the freshly included to campus, our immediate juniors. Even then, they did it amazingly despite the last moments hijinks with people getting defensive about some of the decisions. The DJ night that happens after Freshers’ is what I was waiting for. Despite being an introvert, I felt like dancing to get rid of my sorrows that was still looming above me.

Why was I waiting for DJ night when I knew that it is something some of my close friends don’t like? Because DJ night is the closest to the safe club-like experience I could get without the drinks involved. Though this time I took a sip of whisky-with Pepsi which a batch-mate of mine had. Also, I wanted to employ some of my serotonin boosters in me so that I don’t feel so down in dumps and pathetic that I was feeling while I was in auditorium. I was sitting alone, with no friends around me. They were sitting above in balcony.

So, there I was, dancing in the DJ night, but my serotonin level was still not going up, and I felt a little bit left out as people were dancing in groups or in duos. I was feeling whole more single. Also, seeing girls/women of my college being confident and wearing one piece dress and being so gorgeous and sexy and hell and I don’t what to do. Like they were really gorgeous (appereance-wise and I was feeling a little under-confidence when I thought about me wearing those dresses). I was slowly turning bi. Though I am still unsure about me being bi. But I danced, I danced till the time I was into dancing that I was not being jerky while dancing and I was danicng confidently, without feeling any shame. I also pretended that I was either high or I was drunk. So, that helped in me losing my inhibitions and dancing a lot. I danced till the curfew (11pm) as I felt a sudden fall in my blood sugar level. I felt dizzy, so I came up to my room. I rested and then decided to sleep. But sleep came to me very much later. So technically, I didn’t dance till the night ended, I danced till I was tired, and my body can accept that, yes, I should rest for now. My close friends not being there, made me feel a little lost. This time they both were in campus, but I went to dance. It will be most likely my last time to dance. Even though in my fifth year, if I will be in Mumbai, I won’t likely go to dance. So, it was my last. Last DJ night dancing, dancing till the night ends.

-MB13!)